Let's Get One Thing Straight! The issues with which I am dealing right now have everything to do with abuse. But not any abuse I have perpetrated. The person who has been abused is me. These are issues that have had a huge negative impact on my life.
They involve secrets--nasty, derogatory secrets--that have their origin in an individual who libeled me in the worst possible way, twisting an innocent statement that I made into something completely false and ugly.
I went into this individual's home as an invited guest. I did everything within my power to try to make a good impression. I was polite, I offered to help with clean-up, I answered her questions as truthfully as I could, I thanked both of them for their hospitality when I left. I did absolutely nothing to deserve how I was re-paid. I was guilty of nothing. Yet, this individual, for reasons I still cannot fathom, chose to assume something about me that not a single person in my entire life has ever assumed, because there is NO TRUTH NOR EVIDENCE to support it. Something so completely false that she took away my life.
It has to do with this individual using these statements to influence another's perception of me; this person, whom I thought was my best friend, then refused to tell me what the accusations were, thus leaving me completely confused, hurt, and unable to understand why his opinion of me had changed. Ours was a love for the ages. But, because of her, we lost our future. There are many people who can never get over something like this. They don't give their hearts away on a whim. They hold back, as I did, for a long time until they are absolutely sure they have found the perfect individual for them.
There are several people here on Blogster who also have never been able to forget their first loves. At least, however, they know why they lost them. That was denied me. I had already been dealt one blow, but I forgave it; I didn't want to lose my soulmate. Then to have him come back again and again with love in his eyes but confusion in his heart just tore me apart. A person can never get over having his heart ripped apart time and again without having a clue as to why it is happening. The heart never heals; it scars over but it takes very little to rip those scabs off.
Because he allowed these lies to influence his opinion of me, he became a perpetrator of the lie. Thus, he became equally guilty because he denied me my right to face my accuser so that I could defuse the lies. When one knows, as I did, that someone has influenced his thinking, yet cannot find out what, it haunts a person, especially when it is stealing away the person who means more to one than anyone else in the world..
Because I was denied that right, I have carried with me this burden and all the questions for years. Is it any wonder that I have nightmares about it?
I have tried to state from the very beginning that there were unrsolved issues. There are still unresolved issues. There are only two people involved here--not three. No one else has the slightest business getting between the two of us, because he and I are the only ones who know all the story. No matter what this individual's agenda is, this happened long before this person came on the scene. This is something we DO HAVE TO RESOLVE. It is too monumental and has caused me too much heartache.
In addition, I am sick and tired of the name-calling, the interference, the insinuations, the further degradation of my character by this third individual. Unsubstantiated statements of opinion do not make them the truth, which is the only defense against libel or slander. I have way too many people who do know me--she doesn't--who will gladly come to my defense against such allegations. I should sue her over the name-calling; but, contrary to what she thinks, I am not a vengeful person out to destroy her.
She got involved with a man already in his mid-thirties who carried some serious secrets that he chose not to share. It would be naive of her to think that he did not have some excess baggage somewhere. Of course, no one could have prepared anyone for how bad it really was.
All I can say is, "Never condemn a person until you have had to walk a mile in his shoes."
19 comments on Let's Get One Thing Straight!
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I'm sorry that you had to go through this difficult time. I hope it all gets resolved.
Thanks, Kelli. It will, either the easy way or the hard way.
Jenn
So am I, Jenn. But I am stong. I will get through it, and it will be resolved.
Hang in there. You are one of the strongest women I know on here.
Hang in there and get it done. Without knowing details, it is still apparant that this needs to be resolved, so you must! I wish, as I'm sure you do, that it can be accomplished in an easier, more civil way, but I agree with you that much harsher steps must be taken if given no other choice. No wonder the stress you are going through, so you must also be careful to take care of yourself as best as you can because you will be needing strength and clear, sharp thinking. You are capable of both, so proceed with care, confidence, and determination.
Yes, I must. It is probably exactly this kind of stress that led to my cancer. My life has not been an easy one, and it all began with this.
Thanks, Elf.
I'm like elfie... I don't have a clue what is going on and I guess I really don't want to be involved, either. I find that sometimes I just have to let somethings go. A long time ago, I put up a picture on my blog of a balloon floating in the air. I think in life, some things just have to be considered balloons. Just let go of the string and let it float away.
(((hugs))) annie L
You know, Annie, I wish I could. But this is something extremely serious. It needs to be addressed for several reasons. Thanks for the hugs.
Hi Southwestern,
All I can say Is pray for them and forgive them for you are being persicuted for my names sake[Jesus] take joy in this God see's and hears and bottels up your tears.
kkingstyle
Thank you for those encouraging words. I pray about this every single night, and God has helped me through some desperate moments already.
Thanks, Mags. How are you doing? Haven't heard from you in ages.
It sounds like you have really been through a lot. I love how you end this post. I hope things get better for you.
I believe they will. I have to.
I understand some of what you are saying. Forgiveness does not come easy to me and there is one person I will never forgive. She was a friend and betrayed me in the worst way so really I guess she was never really my friend as I thought. She was just using me. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this and hope you can find some comfort in knowing you have friends here.
It is a comfort to me. I will find a way to get through this.